"what i've said, that will i bring about & what i've planned, that will i do." isaiah 46:11

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

* The beat of a different drummer

[written by someone else, but i truly feel what they're feeling]
I look at other people's kids who're compliant, excel in school & are sailing through childhood. I really like those kids, I do. At one point, I wanted a child like that & wished I'd an easy kid at home. But now? I wrote the following one night after peeking in at my daughter sleeping. I encourage you to do the same. I hope you'll discover some common feelings toward your child.
The Beat of a Different Drummer
I peek in at her late at night lying in bed, fast asleep, my no-longer-little girl sprawled out across her bed, long unruly mess of hair covering her face & I smile. I smile because she's full of personality. She's so different than me in many ways, different than my expectations, different than the little girl I'd always imagined & for that I'm grateful. She's her own person, knows what she likes & doesn't like. I look in at her, peaceful & innocent while she sleeps. The fight's gone & her little mind's resting. She's gone full force for the last sixteen hours, she needs a break. I like it that she pushes the limits, like it that she questions everything, because one day she's going to do something spectacular. Along the way, she's going to make some big mistakes, but she's going to live large & dream big. Underneath the spunk & mouth's a heart not only lined with gold, but filled with it. It's large & feeling & it wants to do good even when her impulses lead her astray at times. I think God must look down & confuse her with a little tornado, but I also think God looks down & likes what He's created, likes the little tornado who's growing into a little lady. I think He sees Himself in my little girl, funny as that sounds. The part of God who's the Creator, who by the sheer force of His energy & being created life & all that's in the world. The part of God who was willing to step into humanity & persevere on a rugged cross because it'd help people. The part of God who walked among men, largely misunderstood, often reviled because He was different & didn't do things the way the rulers of His era thought they should be done, but He kept going. Because He, too, had a mission. He didn't care what others thought. His vision was larger than a mere thirty-three years on earth. I think God must see Himself in the part that sometimes misses out on earthly things because he's in tune with something deep inside another person. The part who remains an idealist even when the world around him's less than ideal. The part that isn't afraid to look into eternity & see better things in all of us. That's my daughter sleeping there. We fought each other until we couldn't fight anymore. Until I realized that I was the one who needed to change, because I wasn't going to change her nature. Perhaps she's been given to me so that I'd change. That's my girl. Sometimes she inspires anger, sometimes frustration. Then she makes me laugh, even smile in resignation & as I look at her, she makes me cry. She's a wonderful creation. Through all the struggles, I can see the imprints of the Creator. She's my daughter. She marches to the beat of a different drummer. Thank God!
This for me's multiplied by 3 of our children [Dustin 24/slight ADHD, Kiara 7/severe ADHD & severe Sensory Integration & Ruby 7/slight ADD & Sensory Integration] & although they've all been diagnosed, Kiara's the one that struggles the most at this time, gets the most angry, looses control more easily/more often, etc., as a mother, it's so hard for me to see them go through this & know what's the right thing to do, to help them through it

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