- A Little Late, I Know -

one of the first pics we received while she was still in haiti

karleigh on the day she arrived 'home when karleigh saw this pic [below], she said, "mommy, you can't blog that...i have no hair!!" - i said, "karleigh, you were a baby, it doesn't matter" - she said, "well, it's not a picture of you with no hair, it's me!!" [keep in mind she's only 5!!]

yes, i'm a bit late in posting this & for that, i'm sorry - sorry to no one but karleigh - karleigh celebrated her 5th birthday [yes, you read that right, she's now 5!!] - where did the time go? - she came home at 5 months & she's 5 years already, how did this happen? - she's the sweetest little girl in the entire world & i tell her daily how she's my very favorite karleigh - here's a few pics of karleigh for you to enjoy

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karleigh, i just want you to know how much i love you, enjoy being your mommy & watching you grow - you teach me so much every day & i value those 'lessons' with you - i hope you enjoyed 'your day' & many more will follow - happy birthday one more time, i love you

- what's in a name? -

i've recently been asked the question, " how did you come up with your childrens names - was it a family name, something you just liked, since they're adopted you felt like keeping the name they were given...what was it?" - since the question was posed to me, i thought i'd explain a bit - for our children, we wanted to give them a name we'd chosen, but yet give them a bit 'more', so sit back & i'll tell you how we arrived at the names our children carry today

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dustin wayne shepler [meaning: valiant fighter/wagon maker] - dustin was a name i'd liked for many years - it wasn't being used a lot, so not everyone carried that name [which to me was a good thing] - i really wanted him named after my father [wayne], so that for him is about as complicated as it gets

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brittany nichole shepler [meaning: strong/victorious] - we adopted brit when she was a toddler & since we'd never adopted before, we really didn't know if we could/could not change her name - we felt at the time that since she knew her name, we'd let her keep it - we didn't know her middle name & spike was at the grocery & heard someone calling for brittany nichole & he loved it - he asked me about it & i really didn't care what it was, i just wanted her here & for me to be her mommy, so to me we could've called her 'frank' at that point - we later found out her middle name was already nichole! [sidenote: had we known then, what we know now, we'd for sure have named her something else as she hates it sooo much - she's more of a 'odd name' kind of girl & loves cool spellings, weird sounding names, etc. & to her 'brittany' is so boring]

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kiara jo-monéus shepler [meaning: feminine & dark/god's grace] - we'd picked kiara 'key air ah', just because we liked it - jo, after her gma joan & monéus 'moan a ease' was her haitian last name [sidenote: after naming her kiara, we ran across another kiara that spelled her name k'heira & i soooooooooooooo wish i'd have thought of that - this k'heira said her family's christians & wanted her to always see when writing her name that she was an heir of god, so they put it right in the middle of her name...how cool!]

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ruby annelize letant shepler [meaning: precious stone/gracious/consecrated to god] - we picked the name ruby after my g'ma & my mother who both have that as their first names - a middle name for ruby was harder for us to come up with - we chose annelize 'anna lease' as my middle name's ann, her great great g'ma's name was anne 'anna' & her birth mama's name's liz 'lease', so we ran it all together - we then added her haitian last name letant 'la taw'

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karleigh rei chérélus shepler [meaning: petite/song of joy] - we loved the name karleigh 'car lee' & once we found this spelling we were hooked for sure - we then found the name rei 'ray' & loved the meaning even more - chérélus 'share a loose' was her haitian last name

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ahniér mirlande desruisseaux shepler [meaning: grace/favor of god] - our son told us of the name ahniér 'on yeah' when he knew we were trying to think of neat names as he'd heard it before - mirlande 'meer lawn' was my sister madisyn's haitian name & we've always thought that it was beautiful & finally i'd a sister to name a daughter after!! - we were torn though on what the 3rd name would be as all our other haitian children have 4 names, but she'd no haitian last name, since she was born here in the states - we asked madisyn if she'd care letting ahniér use her last name desruisseaux 'dairy so' & she liked the idea [thanks madisyn!]

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now it's your turn, how'd you pick the names for your children??

- he did it! -

just to let you all know the good news from our house - today, dustin went to church with us & at the end of service he went up & rededicated his life to the lord!!! - i've been telling him for a long time now that it still wouldn't be easy [what's facing us this coming thursday], but it'd be a whole lot easier to handle, knowing that he'd given his life to god - i've been praying for him for a long time & i just want him to know how happy i am for him in his decision & i know that he can handle this all [as can we]...with god's help - again, praise the lord!

- unexpected blessings -

last night, i received a voice mail on my cell phone from a family member that i've not spoken to for a few years - when i listened to the message, i almost couldn't believe my ears

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a little background in this situation: we've a family member [we'll call them 'n'], that i used to be pretty close as i'd spend a lot of my summers with them - over the years, they got married & had children as did i - well, things were very well between us & even though we didn't live near each other any longer, we still enjoyed each others company at get togethers, etc.

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well, we adopted kiara in '03, then karleigh in '04 & lastly [or so we thought] ruby in '05 - during all our adoptions, i'd send out 'updates' on where we were in the process at the time & even after the kids got home, i'd let people know how they were doing, etc. - well, one day after giving an update, i received an email from 'n' that asked they not get anymore updates - they stated they were glad we were happy, but didn't need to know what was going on any longer

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even though it seemed a bit rude/odd, etc. i passed it off as me talking/sharing too much & never really thought much about it - well, just a few days later, not knowing about the email i'd received, mom sent out a 'here's ruby, my new grand daughter!' email as ruby had just come home - mom ended up getting a matching email to mine, but they went on to tell her how they really didn't want to hear about ruby at all - she didn't let it rest, but instead, emailed them back, asking what the reason was for their decision, as it seemed a bit odd - they informed her [not their exact words] that they didn't care to hear about any of our children & that they were shocked that we'd name our new little girl ruby after my grandmother/memaw, as her name was ruby & she & i were very close [memaw's what we called her & she'd already passed at this point] - they also went on to say how they didn't feel she'd be pleased at all with us naming a 'black child' after her as she didn't like blacks at all

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mom, fueled at this point, stated that memaw [her mother] didn't have a problem with blacks at all & that memaw saw everyone as individuals & that she loved them all as she was a christian & was always striving to do as god would have her do - this went over like a lead balloon & the email basically ended in the same way it started...no more updates...period! - this was in '05 & we've not had contact with this person at all, except for 2 funerals we've attended & even though they spoke, it was very 'cold'

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well fast forwarding a bit...i was late getting our christmas letter out & finally did so just the other day [praise the lord] & by accident [i know it was a god thing], it printed off their address by mistake & i didn't catch it, so one was sent to them

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the voicemail: 'n' introduced themself & stated numerous times about how bad they felt for their actions in the past, things they've said & how they treated us - they said they hoped we'd forgive them & that they'd basically had a change of heart & hoped we'd not be mad at them - i mentioned how we've all said/done things we regret & that i still loved them - they said that they'd gotten another job a few years ago & wanted me to know they've even made some friends with some blacks - the other day, they were helping teach missionettes at their church & one of the scriptures was talking about how you don't let the sun go down on your wrath & 'n' thought of us & all that's gone on over the years & really began feeling bad about it - 'n' then got our christmas letter the next day & they've not felt good about it since - they said they've written me a letter 2 times now over the past couple days, but tore them both up, as they felt they owed it to me, to talk on the phone instead of me having to read their feelings

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they apologized over & over as i let them know how much they meant to me & how i hated not having contact with them for so long - their family's has a huge [that's an understatement] get together in the summer every year & we used to go, but when all this started, we stopped & haven't attended for several years - they personally invited us back & stated that it'd be an honor to them, for us to come bring all our kids as they really wanted to get to know them - they ended the conversation by letting me know that they truly felt that memaw would be proud of me & that she'd have enjoyed having ruby named after her

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all in all, i was floored, but saw how god had orchestrated the entire thing & for that i'm thankful - i love unexpected blessings [praise the lord]

- it's gotta get better...right? -

after reading my recent post here, you know that i've been feeling very frazzled [for lack of a better word] - well, last night spike stayed up working on paperwork for an upcoming meeting that was to take place today, out of town - i went on to bed, but he stayed up to get it ready - this meeting was very crucial as it's a project that he's already gotten [he's a project manager for government projects], but it was given to him by the last commissioners of that county - recently, the commissioners have changed & the new ones, don't want this project to continue [it has nothing to do with them vs. spike, they just don't want to let go of that much $ right up front since they're new to the commissioner offices]

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well, he didn't get to bed until after 4am & got up at 5 - when he went to get in his van, it wouldn't start [we never have trouble with any of our vehicles!!] - he pulled mine out, jumped his & took off...later than he needed to be [especially with this meeting being so important]

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well, i talked to him a few hours later & mentioned that i hated it about his car not starting this morning - he said, "oh lori, that's not the ½ of it!" - apparently, since he was in a huge hurry he was speeding [& that's soooooooo not him - he won't go over the speed limit for any reason...until today]

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well, not only did he get a ticket [yeah, add that right on to the bills!], but the police officer also had his van towed!!!!!! - we're to buy plates in september, but with adopting ahniér, we 'pushed the plates back a bit' & forgot about them!! - we're both driving on expired plates [no, really just me as he now doesn't have a van to drive!] - ugh, when it rains, it pours, but it's gonna get better...right?

- have you ever felt... -

frazzled?? - yes, this' how i've been feeling lately - i feel i've got so much to do [most, with due dates] & nothing seems to be getting done

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i, along with angela, coordinate a haitian camp every year in february & here it is january 4 & i've not sent out the flier yet!!! - the date all reservations have to be in, is january 16 [eeek]

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i've got our family 'newsletter' done & it's been done for over a month, but i've still not gotten them printed & mailed out [it started off being a printer problem, now it's just a lazy thing i've got working] - here it's january 4 & these were to be our 'christmas cards' [eeek]

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we wanted to have ahniér dedicated at church & have been talking about it since she was born [she'll be 4 months old this thursday!], but haven't gotten it done yet - not only did we want it done, but we really, really wanted it done before dustins sentencing date, so all 6 of our kids could be there...just in case [eeek]

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i wanted to be caught up on bills by now [we were staying right on track for many years, but after we helped dustin out financially, adopted ahniér & moved, i've really gotten behind on our bills - it's not that we're in financial trouble or anything like that, but we're just...behind [eeek]

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mom, don't read the rest of this post or you'll hit the roof! - just stop now & go read someone else's blog...k? [smile] i wanted to get into my heart cardiologist [as some of you know, i'd open heart surgery when i was 18 - they replaced my heart valve & i've to go in for yearly checkups for them to monitor me as i'm on coumadin/blood thinner as my blood's got to be very thin to go through the mechanical valve that i've got in me] - well, i didn't go last november/2008 as things were just waaaaaaaaaay too hectic [i know, don't yell at me!] & here it's january/2009 now & they're usually on a 2-3 month 'wait' to get in - that wouldn't be all that big of a deal, typically, but i've been having chest pains for 3-4 days now [don't tell my mom cause like i said she'll hit the roof as she knows nothing of this...it's not like we all don't have waaaaaay more important things to think about at this time in our lives!] - it didn't bother me the first day, then the 2nd & 3rd days came & i was a bit more concerned, but got up today & it's still there - it's not even a tightness, like i've had over the years from time to time, this' more of a hurt??? - spike & brit are the only 2 that know - dustin came over this weekend & stayed all night & we all sat up until like 4 am playing euchre & had a wonderful time & there was nooooooooo way i was gonna miss out on that - i'm sure it's nothing & i'll be fine, but i'm calling tomorrow to set up an appointment for sometime in march hopefully - i know i could've said something to others & had them praying, but i know how many prayers are going up for our family right now & with god knowing me as he does, i knew he'd change a couple of those prayers over to cover me & my heart at this time - my heart's been breaking into a million pieces here lately [figuratively], but it's not break anymore [literally]

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well, that's about it, so i'll let you all get back to read more 'cheery' blogs!

- new update on dustin's sentencing -

i wanted to give an update on where things stand at this time with dustin & all that he's facing - you can go here to read the initial post where i gave details on how we got to where we are today - when the date came/went, there was a new day/time set that i posted about here, but even though the date's not changed, the time has - so, for the record, here's the correct information on the sentencing date & from what i've been told, you can put this down in ink! - please contine to be praying

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date: january 15, 2008

time: 1:30pm

- snow white -

kiara's still working on improving her reading & had just finished reading a book downstairs - she came up & was telling me about it & suggested she read it to me

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i said, "sure" & then she let me know that they'd made a mistake in her book - i said, "a mistake...where?" - she said, "well, there's lots of mistakes, but the first one is on the front page, they didn't spell it right" - i read it to her..."snow white & the seven dwarfs" - she said, "yep, that's what i'm talking about, they didn't spell it right - they spelled it d.w.a.r.f.s. & it's supposed to be d.o.r.k.s. & then she smiled like 'see what i'm talking about!'

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i explained to her that it was really supposed to be d.w.a.r.f.s. & sounded it out for her very slowly [emphasising every syllable] - she smiled embarrassed like & said, "well, that's not i've been calling them all my life!!"

- new date's been set -

we found out today, that dustin's new court date's been set for january 15 @ 3:15pm [the date's set in pen, but the time's still in pencil, so i'll post on here as soon as we've the exact time] - again, thanks to all who've been praying, emailing with encouraging words & phoning...it means a lot

- the good, the bad & the ugly -

well, yesterday was sunday...god's day...a day with our entire family...a day of rest, etc...so here goes!

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the good...we got to church at the designated time we needed to be there & wasn't late!

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the good...praise the lord, 1 block from our church, we found gas for $1.35/gallon, so we filled up the van for only $27!! [whoa]

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the bad...the clock i'd been looking at all morning long at home, was wrong [by exactly 1 hour], so we arrived at church an hour early...yes, with a 6y, 5y, 4y & 4m old, one of which has ad/hd & has been having a hard time these past few days since schedules have been off, routines have been off, etc.!!! [ugh...fun times]

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the bad...i purchased one of the 'insert' seats that people use for their little ones when they ride in shopping carts, etc., so they don't get germs - well, the picture on it, showed it can be used for high chairs as well, so when we went to cracker barrel for lunch after church, i decided to try it out & oh my goodness!! - it ended up working, but i was so concerned that we were making a scene [don't ask me why i care about that as we're 2 white parents, 2 white children & 4 brown children...sure, we make a scene wherever we go!!] - i get more concerned about this when dustin's with us as i know it frustrates him, which i don't like doing, but anyhow, it's a free meal for him, so i guess he can handle it! - it ended up working great, but i should've practiced somewhere 'less full', than on a sunday for lunch when the place was packed!!

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the ugly...i'd gotten up extra early as brit was to work the nursery & had to be at church much earlier than normal - i got up, got all the little ones ready, got myself ready & we were ready to leave...on time [which for those that really 'know' us, 'on time' isn't usually in the same sentence with 'spike & lori'] - we were feeling really good about getting coats on & loading the van...on time - just as i shuffled the last little one out the door on the way to the van, i picked u ahniér, tossed her up over my right shoulder to hear a horrible sound - yes, that sound was her puking all down the front of my shirt - now, what do i do?? - do i take the time to change my clothing & make us late?? - or do i just wipe all the puke off since it's a black shirt & probably won't show?? - yep, you guessed it...wipe it off [so as to not be late!] - spike dropped the girls & i off at the door as he went to park the van - brit went on to the nursery & i had to take everyone to go potty, drop coats off in the coat area, etc. & then head to the sanctuary to get seats - i got all my 'jobs' completed & things were going along quite nicely when just as i was walking into the sanctuary with ahniér up over my left shoulder, i heard the same noise i'd heard early in my kitchen - yes, that sound was her puking all down the back of my shirt - luckily there was an elderly woman right behind me [didn't know her] & she said, "honey, if you've got something like a rag, i'll help you get yourself cleaned up" - to that i replied, "thanks, but if you'll just wipe it off, it'll then match the front of my shirt!" - she just smiled as if to say, "this poor dear has no clue what she's doing"

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the ugly...well, i'd gotten ahniér some new shoes the other day - they're the same size that she's been wearing, but a bit more room in them, which's what she needed - all day long, everytime i looked down, a shoe was missing - i hate to see a child dressed in cute clothes without shoes on!!

- look at those ears -

i've not blogged about this yet, but about 3 weeks ago, i took ahniér in & had her ears pierced - they look adorable & she did great! - here's a couple pics to show the finished product - isn't she a cutie :)

- i've been tagged -

for my friend debra, i'll do this...
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8 tv shows that i watch
1. jon & kate plus 8
2. 17 & counting [& baby makes 18]
3. i love lucy
4. andy griffith
5. nanny 911
6. wife swap
7. meet your new mommy
8. little house on the prairie
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8 favorite restaurants
1. sapporos [japanese steakhouse]
2. benihana [japanese steakhouse]
3. pepe's
4. visa lodge [in haiti]
5. olive garden
6. on the border
7. arts pizza [the sloppier the better!]
8. panera bread
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8 things that happened to me today
1. was able to sleep in [thank you spike!]
2. received pictures from the girls that they colored for me
3. rocked ahniér a million times as she's not feeling up to par
4. witnessed ahniér roll over for the first time [didn't 'see' it, but i looked & she was on her back!]
5. watched a movie with the girls & spike [- brit as she's at madisyn's]
6. talked to dustin for about a nano-second, as he's too busy to talk to his mom [teasing]
7. made manwich for dinner
8. stayed home all day
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8 things i look forward to
1. christmas with all our family
2. taking the kids to see santa
3. taking the kids to see christmas lights
4. going to haiti again soon
5. ringing in another new year & anticipating all it has to offer our family
6. when ahniér starts sleeping through the night *wink*
7. seeing all that god's got planned for not only our kids, but our entire family
8. working to get more children 'home' from haiti to their new families
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8 things i wish for
1. to go to haiti soon
2. for our kids to see jesus in me
3. that we'd find out what kiara's scratching's all about
4. ruby's ci would be found
5. all whining would cease in our home! [by everyone]
6. us, as a family to learn more sign language
7. spike & i to continue to grow closer as each year passes
8. to grow old with spike
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8 people i tag
1. dad/mom
2. brit
3. angela
4. tanya
5. courtney
6. jamie
7. aaron
8. heather

- when you thought i wasn't looking -

a message every adult should read because children are watching you & doing as you do, not as you say & that goes for children with special needs too!!!

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator & i immediately wanted to paint another one

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw you feed a stray cat & i learned that it was good to be kind to animals

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw you make my favorite cake for me & i learned that the little things can be the special things in life

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when you thought i wasn't looking i heard you say a prayer & i knew that there's a god i could always talk to & i learned to trust in him

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw you make a meal & take it to a friend who was sick & i learned that we all have to help take care of each other

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw you give of your time & money to help people who'd nothing & i learned that those who have something should give to those who don't

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw you take care of our house & everyone in it & i learned we've to take care of what we're given

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw how you handle your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good & i learned that i'd have to be responsible when i grow up

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw tears come from your eyes & i learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i saw that you cared & i wanted to be everything that i could be

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i learned most of life's lessons that i need to know to be a good & productive person when i grow up

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when you thought i wasn't looking, i looked at you & wanted to say, "thanks for all the things i saw when you thought i wasn't looking."

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i'm sending this to all the people i know who do so much for others, but think that no one ever sees...little eyes see a lot - each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend, etc.) influences the life of a child - how will you touch the life of someone today? - just by sending this to someone else, you'll probably make them at least think about their influence on others - live simply - love generously - care deeply - speak kindly - leave the rest to god - that's why we've to make sure our children are seeing all the good things we do, because they're watching - children learn what they live

- this evening -

this evening i was running errands [just ahniér & i] & stopped by dad/mom's house to drop some things off - when i walk in the door, it's never, "hey lori, how are you?" or "lori's here!" or anything that even sounds like that - here's what i hear when i walk in [carrying not only a car seat full of a chubby baby, but also a walmart sack full of stuff, a large box with christmas ornaments in it & also 2 of the large candles you set outside for christmas] - madisyn says, "mom, ahniér's here!", mom says, "awww, where's that little angel?", etc. - here's a few pictures i took while i was there

- conversations from today -

preface: we'd a guy over all day today installing a water softener/conditioning system, etc. - he was here for about 6 hours & although he was kind, he'd no personality at all - kiara & karleigh were upstairs playing in the room next to where he was working [he was in the laundry room for most of that time] - i could hear them up there talking to him as i stood at the bottom of the stairs - here's a conversation that i overheard between he/karleigh

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karleigh: hi, i'm karleigh

the guy: [couldn't hear what he said]

karleigh: are you my papaws brother?

the guy: [couldn't hear what he said]

karleigh: are you sure you're not my papaws brother?

the guy: [couldn't hear what he said]

karleigh: well, i think you're wrong...i do think you're my papaws brother & you just don't know it!

guess she thought they looked alike & to me, outside of them both having grey hair, they looked nothing alike!

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preface: my mother in law hates the song, "who let the dogs out" & says that it's about the worst song she's ever heard in her life & it really drives her nuts to even hear it - my nephew shane takes it upon himself to have that song played 'for her' any chance he gets, when we're together as a family [ie: skating parties, bday parties, bowling parties, etc.] - here's a conversation i heard between he/kiara

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kiara: what's your name?

the guy: [couldn't hear what he said]

kiara: do you have kids?

the guy: [couldn't hear what he said]

kiara: do you know this song? [as she proceeded to sing loudly, 'who let the dogs out'...she heard it today on the bus radio she said]

the guy: [couldn't hear what he said]

kiara: well, my grandma shepler loves that song & she always asks my cousin shane to play it for her when we're all together & you know what??? - i think she dances to it when no body's lookin' :)

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tonight i was preparing dinner & the girls were upstairs playing dress up - kiara comes down & says, "mommy, i know a suggestion for dinner" - i said, "well kiara, i've already got dinner about finished & we're having chili" - she said, "well, i have a suggestion for dinner" - i repeated & explained dinner was done - she said, "no, i'm not talking about that, i've got another suggestion - can we, just for tonight, all eat dinner with no clothes on... huh...please?" - it was at this time that brit literally choked on whatever it was she was drinking as she i think, got a visual - i said, "no kiara, we're not eating without clothing on, where did that come from?" - she said, "oh, i just wondered", then she smiled & walked away

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memories... at least no one can ever say my days are boring!

- merry christmas from our family -

[as always, click on the individual pages & they'll enlarge]

- cancelled! -

what??? - yep, that's right, it was cancelled!

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this morning cheryl & jenna bartoo made an hour+ drive to my house in order to watch all 4 of our little ones - the group going with dustin [about 30+ of us] then met at a local restaurant for lunch, afterwards, we ran back to the house for dustin to change clothes - we arrived at the courthouse [tissues in hand] at 3pm as it was scheduled to start at 3:30 - dustin went to check in & they said that his attorney had called not 5 minutes before & cancelled it, due to him getting sick! - we all just stared at each other for awhile, almost in disbelief...like we were waiting for someone to run out & say, "nawww, we'll go ahead & let you in"

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we then left there & went to perkins for coffee & to reflect on what had gone on today - after coffee/fellowship, we headed back home to relieve cheryl & jenna of the nonsense i'm sure they were dealing with - everyone went home & we'll now wait for another day to do this all again

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thank you to everyone that came...we love you all - also, a huge thanks to cheryl & jenna for watching the girls - most of all, thank you to all those that said prayers today for our entire family...they were very heartfelt

- tears...blogged tonight by brit -

brit blogged this tonight on her blog & i thought i'd share it as she's got such a way with words

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My family is going through a particularly difficult time right now. And one of my family members said the most endearing, deepest thing I've heard in a long time. She said, "My eyes aren't crying, but my heart is." These words were said by the same six year old little girl who still cries when she has to go to bed; who still believes in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy; the same six year old little girl who intuitively knows when someone is sad. As I watch Kiara go through the day, she surprises me so much. I think that most people believe wise sayings come from skilled, educated, and legendary figures, and I used to be one of them. But, as I hear my little sister say these things, and watch her try to comfort her family, even though she doesn't understand our pain, I find myself abandoning my earlier belief. I guess some of the greatest ideas can come from the least of mankind. A six year old little girl.

- not looking forward to wednesday...at all -

well, we're down to 'the week' & we're not looking forward to wedensday at all - that's the day that dustin's to be sentenced & although i've known it's coming, i'm starting to really feel the 'knot in my stomach' & the 'can't seem to concentrate on anything' feeling & it's not a good feeling at all

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we had his open house this past saturday & it was very nice - there was a ton of people that showed up & spent most of the day with us - he really enjoyed seeing everyone & i know he was touched - he was with us all weekend & at church everyone prayed over him that he'd be able to handle what was coming his way [no matter what it is] & that he'd begin a new day from here on out - they prayed for as light of a sentence as possible & for dustin to have learned from this mistake & move beyond it - we then went to olive garden for lunch [his fav], as last thursday [the 4th] was his 23rd birthday & had a great time

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he's coming to our house tomorrow night to stay over & i can't help but think [with tears now streaming again]...'will this be the last time i can physically tell him good night before going to bed?' [not that i see him every night as he doesn't live here, but i can call him if i so choose] - i also think,' was yesterday the last time i'll be able to worship with him in church?'

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i do alright for awhile, but then i get to thinking & it tears me up - our little ones don't even know he's done anything wrong or what he's possibly facing...what will i tell them?? - when will i tell them?? - they love their brother so much & it kills me to think of him possibly being sent away & them not seeing him for a long time - ahniér's only 3 months old & if he goes anywhere, she won't even remember him

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well, this post is going no where [understandably so] & so i'm closing up shop for tonight - i don't know how much i'll post over the next couple days, but i will post on wednesday night [might be short] to let you know what the outcome was - please continue to be praying for this entire family as we're all so broken right now - there's to be about 30 family members with him on wednesday, so pray for us to stay upright [especially me] - thanks ahead of time