- FORGIVENESS -

today's one of those, don't cross me, i've seen better days, please god, let ME have a time out for awhile...please!, i don't want to make any decisions at all...ever again, i love my life, so why am i so blah type of a day

`

i got up 'hot' as someone (et hmm) had turned the furnace up last night before going to bed, so we all woke up with it nearly 3ooº in here & my day (because of the heat), began with a bit of a 'nagging in my head/trying to take on a headache'...how's that for starting out a day!

`

as i'm sitting here typing this, i'm just thinking how selfish i am - there are people in the world who've nothing & so what do i have to complain about...really

`

some have health issues...i don't...not really anyway

`

some are facing death...i'm not...at least not now

`

some have lost loved ones...i have, but have gotten through by the grace of god

`

some have miscarried children...i haven't personally, but know some who have (including my best friend)

`

some have lost their jobs...my husband has a good job that allows me to stay at home & be a mommy

`

some have filed bankruptcy...we've never had to

`

some don't have family that they feel close to...we have this on both sides of the family

`

some can't have children or know what it's like to 'parent'...i'm a mother of 6 (5 with us now & 1 arriving in september)

`

some only wish they had that 'special someone'...sorry all, but i've got him! - he's my best friend & one i know i can count on - he's the best father in the world & walks out his beliefs not only on sundays, but 24/7 - (i only wish he had someone just as special, but i fall sooooo short in this area & this makes me very, VERY sad to think of what he's missing out on & how much better his life would be if i were 'different')

`

some are homeless...we've a beautiful home that we feel safe in

`

i could go on & on, but i won't - i know i've been selfish & for that i'm sorry - i notice in my girls 'traits' that i don't care for & know they've gotten them from me...i'm sorry - i notice things my son's dealing with that had it not been for some of the negative things that i put in him, he might learn things quicker/easier - i really don't know why i'm rambling on & on like this, but now my head really does hurt, so i think i'm going to rest...not in what i've done wrong in the past, but what i'm going to try & do right in the future

`

THANK GOD FOR...FORGIVENESS

- 5 TRUTHS... 1 LIE -

or

lie?

alright, here's a game that was posed to me by someone else - it's where you list 6 things about you (5 truths & 1 lie) - you make it as hard as you can so it's a bit of a challenge to others that might wish to 'play along' - alright, here goes!

`

1) i smoked for one summer when a friend of mine & myself were trying to 'act grown up' & have never smoked again

`

2) i drank 'beer' once & quickly found out it wasn't really beer, but instead... motor oil (just a beer can my father was using to store old oil in!)

`

3) i, along with 2 friends, tp'd (toilet papered) the entire high school's front lawn after sneaking out of my parents home in the middle of the night

`

4) the most terrifying thing to me in all the world is bats (the mammal)

`

5) i graduated & never skipped a day of school (not even a class!)

`

6) once, when selling concessions in high school, i'd to take a large tray of sodas up into the stands & on my way up, i tripped & spilled them all over a group of people sitting there to watch the game

`

dad/mom, don't cheat & give the answer away!

- OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES -

tonight karleigh gets ready to pray & here's how it went, exactly how it was said (so watch for the misspelled words)

`

"heaven father, i thank you for our day, i thank you for you loving me & keeping my papa richard saft - i thank you for giving daddy another job & for helping sell our house - i thank you for helping me to obey too & i've now got some things to tell you - (clears throat at this point)

`

heavenly father, i thank you soooooooooooooooo much for getting us to go to disney world again (snickers at this point, just at the thought of going i think, as she begs DAILY to go back to disney world) - i thank you that we'd to get to go back to that place because we love the miracle round (meaning merry go 'round) & i knooooooooooow you want us to go back there, since you gived daddy another project (snickers again)

`

in jesus name... amen

`

you go for it karleigh & you WILL see disney world again someday!!

- TODAY ENDS WEEK 21

ahniér will be putting on a full 1½ ounces this week (& weighing up to 16½ ounces), but that’s just the beginning! - within the next 5 weeks, she’ll really be packin’ it on! - for now, we’re pleased to report the addition of rapid eye movement (REM) a key component to any healthy baby’s sleep schedule - while in the dermatology department: her thin soft skin's very red, rather translucent & a bit wrinkled - not to worry, it’s not a premature aging disease, it's just her clever little body setting them up with extra space that'll smooth out once she starts packing on the baby fat - that won’t be for a few more weeks, though, so for the time being, she's still a little lean mean growing machine! - the beginnings of what's commonly called “brown fat” is just starting to fill in to help her retain some body heat, which's crucial as she's not yet capable of regulating her own body temperature - she's now around three-quarters of a pound & nearly 11" long (the length of a carrot), she's fully formed eyelids & eyebrows at this point, what's more she's getting ready for another growth spurt- this time to start packing on that cute baby fat - her vagina's formed now, though it'll continue to develop until birth - she's really on the move now - fetal researchers say babies move about 50 times an hour even while sleeping - all that movement helps stimulate her physical & mental development - you may not notice 50 kicks, punches & twirls during the day, but as you're settling down at night, don't be surprised if she seems ready to dance the night away

- 43, TO DATE! -

yep, you read it right, but i'm sure you're all wondering what '43' means?? - that's the number of homecomings i've been to!! - barbara flew 2 children out last week (to NY) & then flew 2 more in today (1 will live in IN & the other will live in MI) - it's beautiful to see these children meet their parents for the first time (even if they've 'met' before, it's different when they know 'they're home') - the MI family had to leave right away as they had a drive ahead of them, but we went to dinner with the IN family & by the end of the meal, their daughter was already calling them papa/mama!!! (she turned 2 years this past sunday & the MI family's little guy is 18 months) - we've prayed so hard for these kids (all haitian kids really) to come home & when you get to see it with your own eyes, it makes everything you've done to help in the process... worth it *smile*

- BATHING & HAPPY MEALS -

no, this isn't our van!

well, after we'd our 'meijer memory', we went to the car wash to bathe the filthy pig we call our minivan (dad, you'd have been soooo pleased!) - while bathing, i swept out the van & had we not 'already eaten', we wouldn't have had to, wanna know why?? - the bear cubs all sit in the bench seat in the very back & there was soooo much food underneath the middle seats (where their food has fallen on past 'fast food excursions') that i could've put it all together & made more than 2 happy meals!!!

`

i found everything from french fries, pieces of hamburger, fruit loops, m&m's, smarties & also 'undetectable' things as well - as i'm sucking these things up, kiara says, "OH MOMMY, YOU'RE SWEEPING UP FOOD!"

`

i say all that to say, "i really need to sweep this thing out more often!" (spike & dad will sure be happy about this!!)

- MEIJER MEMORY -

well, yesterday morning after kiara had gone to school, i decided to run some errands with karleigh - i didn't have a long time, but needed to get some things accomplished, so off we go

`

karleigh asked if we could go to meijer & i didn't care, as many places here in town had what i needed, so i agreed - i knew she was wanting to go there due to them having these 'kid karts' that resemble a car & the kids can ride in them for $1 & watch a video the entire trip - the movie repeats itself over & over again, until you take it through a checkout scan & then as you pass 'a beam', it stops, wheels lock & you're finished (keep those last 7 words in mind for later)

`

she & i walked in meijer, got a kid cart, got her in & we'd walked about 10 steps & it was then i remembered i needed to run to dad/mom's house & i really should've done that first & THEN went to meijer as it was already 9 & i'd to pick kiara up just after 11 - if i'd have went to dad/mom's first, then i could've stopped by meijer & used the rest of the free time i had & not been rushed - i say to karleigh, "hey karleigh, i forgot, but i need to run to nana's house for a minute, why don't we do that now & then we'll come back" - "but i don't waaaaaaaant to" - "i know, but we'll come back here later... i promise" - "alright, but i really want to stay"

`

even though i'd lost $1 for nothing, it was going to work out better for me in the end (or so i thought) - off we went to nana's for about 1-1½ hours, then we picked kiara up, grabbed some lunch, got some gas, dropped off videos at the video store & then it was time for our fun-filled, *insert evil laugh here* memorable trip to meijer

`

we walked in & i plopped both kiara & kaleigh in the kid cart (ruby wasn't home from school yet) - i'd asked karleigh if she wanted to sit at the steering wheel or in front of the movie screen & she picked the steering wheel (both people can see the movie, but only 1 gets to 'drive') - we'd walked about 10 steps (seems we've been here before, huh?) & kiara starts in - she was blocking the movie screen & karleigh couldn't see - i 'handled it' & we went on a few steps - kiara then was trying to make karleigh buckle up (i guess she thought there was going to be running involved for mommy on this shopping excursion or something) & karleigh was having no part of it & so kiara started whining (what every mommy loves to hear when they're busy, hot, no one's had a nap (including mommy), low on funds so needing to budget a bit, etc.)

`

i then made kiara get out & walk (holding onto the cart), but the entire way all i heard was, "when can i get back in"", "is this like 'time out' or something?", "am i 'bout done?", "i'm finished", etc. & was driving me nuts - i kept getting onto her, smacking occasionally, etc., but she was in it for the loooooong haul - some might be saying, "why ddidn't i just take them home & let them go to bed?" - answer: well, i couldn't as we weren't able to go back home until 4:15 as we'd a house showing again

`

i filled my cart & was heading to the checkout (still watching karleigh smile at kiara from inside the kid cart as if to say, "hahaha, i'm in here & you're not!", still listening to kiara beg, plead & whine to get in with karleigh, still being hot, etc.)

`

i get to the checkout & go to the Uscan (also known as the UTSBCWM: you can try & scan it, but the bar codes on most of what you're wanting to purchase will either be wrong or missing!!) - i scanned the first item - BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, (no, it wasn't foul language that was getting beeped) some alarms starts going off as i tried to purchase something that had a wrong bar code (geee, really?) - i sat it aside as i was getting 4 of these items so certainly 1 of them will be coded right...WRONG!! - my lane was beeping more than a firetruck engine backing up - i looked at the lady (we'll call her helen) & said, "i'll just not get these 4 things as i really don't have time to wait - helen smiled, walked over to me, took the 4 items, cleared my screen & said, "you can try again" - i scanned everything else with ease (YEAH!!) & then went to pay - i'd a simon gift card that spike had given me, but i didn't know how much $ was on it so i told helen, "i'll use this card (holding up the simon gift card) & then i'll pay the rest with my debit" - she said, "does it say 'gift card' on it?" - "yep", i say & proceeded to scan mr simon - BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, here we go again - she came over & said, "ma'am, i forgot, but you've got to put in ahead of time, the amount that's available on the card" - "but, i don't know the balance", i said - "well, you can go to customer service & they'll help you", sweet helen said - i said, "you mean to tell me, i've gotta load all the things back into the cart, take smiley & whiny all the way down there for the to tell me how much's on the card, then come back down here & start over???" - she says (being nice), "well, you can just leave everything here (i DON'T think she meant the kids) & go down there as no one's in line behind you" (NO, BECAUSE EVERYONE THAT WAS IN LINE'S GOT FED UP & LEFT!) - i thanked her & walked down there, smacked simon on the counter & said, "i need my balance" - the lady standing before me (we'll call her eva) says, "oh honey, you've got to do that at the registers, we don't have the capability to do it here" - i said nothing, but walked back to helen (yes, with smiley & whiny) - karleigh climbs back into the kid cart & kiara resumes her place at the 'handle holding' station

`

i then tell helen what eva said & she goes, "oh, i'm sooooo sorry, but you're right - they just started allowing us to use the simon cards at the register last week & i forgot" - GRRRRRR - i rescanned everything 1 more time & then asked her to come help - she comes over & says, "well, i can't handle your card, but i'll show you what to do" - i scan it... nothing - i scan it again... nothing - i look at helen & she says, "well, maybe do it faster" - i scan at lightning speed... nothing - "what about slower", helen suggested - i scanned like a turtle... nothing

`

it was then i looked straight into helens eyes for the first time & said, "forget it, i'm leaving - i'm hot, i've got 2 cranky kids that haven't had a nap today, nothing will scan right, i've had to go from one register to another just to be sent back to the first one, i've scanned fast & i've scanned slow... i'm finished" - it was then i just walked off, pushing a stupid kid cart that by now has loooong had the wheels locked & it will NOT push easily - i get to the door to leave, reach in to get karleigh, give her a nudge, pull, yank only to find out she's strapped herself & the buckle is stuck!! - i give up

- PLAYIN' AT THE PARK -

we'd a showing today so we stopped at a local park to waste time - we didn't have ruby with us due to her not being home from school yet, but brittan, kiara & karleigh had a great time (yes, even brittan did!) - then, this evening i took them all for a walk/bike ride (i walked/they rode) & so i was able to get a couple shots of ruby

brittan

kiara

ruby

karleigh

brittan

kiara

ruby

karleigh

kiara

karleigh

karleigh

karleigh

- THINGS ARE LOOKING UP! -

just wanted to say praise the lord, as i know of 4 haitian visas for sure, that were issued today & into barbara's hands! - i'm looking so forward to hearing of more kiddos coming home in the next few days/weeks - again, praise the lord, things are moving again!!!

- PUSH THE BUTTON IN THE MIDDLE & JUST SAY HELLO!!! -

for a LONG time around here, it's been a joke that when the phone rings, everyone would just sit there & expect mom (ie: ME) to answer it - they'd always say things like, "well, it's going to be for you anyway" & "it's never for us", etc.

`

well, so then i got to where if the phone was ringing, i'd just yell from wherever i was in the house, "just pick it up, push the button in the middle & say hello!!" - well this practice is still carried on from time to time (especially with brittan) & she just laughs her head off, thinks it's hilarious, rolls her eyes with all the drama any 16y (soon to be 17) old girl can muster up

`

well, right now i've got kiara & karleigh both laying down for their naps & the phone rings - i'm not able to get to the phone quick enough, but as i'm trying, karleigh (in the bedroom next to me) yells for everyone in our town to hear her, "PUSH THE BUTTON IN THE MIDDLE & JUST SAY HELLO!!"

- DON'T EVER GET CHOKED IN A RESTAURANT DOWN SOUTH! -

two hillbillies walk into a restaurant - while having a coke, they talk about what they're going to be doing over the weekend

`

suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who's eating a sandwich, begins to cough - after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she's in real distress - one of the hillbillies looks at her & says, 'kin ya swallar?' - the woman shakes her head no - then he asks, 'kin ya breathe?' - the woman begins to turn blue & shakes her head no

`

the hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers & quickly gives her right butt cheek a big 'ole lick with his tongue - the woman's so shocked that she's a violent spasm & the obstruction flies out of her mouth

`

as she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his friend & says, 'ya know, i'd heerd of that there 'hind lick maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!'

- I -

i am: a mother of 6 children (s22, d16, d5, d5, d4 & a tag.a.long baby girl due september 5)
`
i think: a lot about things i've done wrong in my life
`
i know: that i stay up waaaay to late every night
`
i want: to be a better example to my children
`
i have: the best husband in the world (step back ladies... he's mine!)
`
i wish: i had more patience (i know, i know... you're all surprised by this)
`
i hate: the way my body looks (please don't get a mental picture here or it'll make you sick)
`
i miss: being in haiti
`
i fear: that no one will come to my funeral as people really 'will not miss me'
`
i feel: sorry for children who've no mommy to tuck them into bed at night
`
i hear: my girls chatting when they don't know i can hear them & it makes me smile
`
i smell: 'butt' & i know it's time to wash kiara's hands
`
i crave: about everything i'm not supposed to have... thus i hate the way my body looks
`
i search: for those 'little things' that i can do to make my kids' days special
`
i wonder: about what the future holds for us
`
i regret: not having a close relationship with my mom for many years
`
i love: my heavenly father, my husband & my children
`
i ache: for loved ones that have already 'gone home', more so now than ever before
`
i care: for the hurting
`
i always: take on waaaay more tasks than i should
`
i am not: EVER going giving up on a specific loved one that i've been praying for because... we're a team
`
i believe: in dreams
`
i dance: when no one's looking
`
i sing: loudly in my car with our girls
`
i cry: more now than i used to
`
i don’t always: 'give in' easily & or apologize right away
`
i fight: to learn more ASL (sign language) so i can communicate better with my little girl, ruby
`
i write: daily in my blog as it's sort of an 'outlet' for me
`
i win: in my heart, when my husband &/or child succeeds
`
i lose: in my heart, when i feel i've failed
`
i never: quit at anything & go down still kickin' (sometimes it's not a pretty sight, either)
`
i confuse: happiness with plans that have 'come together', but when they don't 'come together, i'm not always, usually, happy to say the least
`
i listen: but sometimes have a hard time remembering what i've listened to
`
i can usually be found: braiding hair, blogging, driving my 'taptap' & carting kiddos to/fro, chatting on the phone, working on dossiers, working on medical missions, gathering supplies for an upcoming haiti trip or coming up with something else to 'add to my schedule'... in my free time
`
i am scared: when i'm home alone at night with the kids
`
i need: more hours in the day
`
i am happy about: the thought of moving into a much bigger house
`

i hurt: when i know i've done something that's hurt someone else

- 142 DAYS BEHIND US / 138 DAYS TO GO -

'mama' has 20 weeks & 2 days behind her, but 138 days to go (i think i can, i think i can)
`
this week 'mama' is carrying about 10.5 inches & 10.5 ounces of solid baby miracle goodness! - ahniér's little delicate bones continue to ossify & toughen while her itsy bitsy finger & toe pads are finishing up - she now has teeth buds, although they’re hidden beneath the gum line - finally, her limbs have reached their relative proportions...no more alien baby! - her cute pink lips are more defined & might be helping out in a bit of prenatal thumb-sucking (YEAH!) - what’s more, eyelashes & eyebrows are also visible - at this point, she really looks like a miniature baby & we do mean miniature as she currently weighs a mere eight of her final birth weight (as of last week she's 9oz, so maybe something close to #7.2 at birth??) - with half the pregnancy behind 'mama', the most significant gains are yet to come!

`

- OFF TO THE PARK! -

maddie (3)

karleigh (4)

ruby (5)

kiara (5)noah (6) katharine (8) maddie karleigh ruby kiara noah (aka... duck man) katharine maddie, karleigh & ruby kiara, noah & katharine kiara, noah, maddie, ruby, katharine & karleigh

the caswells came this morning at 7am as kyle & angie had a homeschooling convention to attend & we get their kiddos (YEAH) - i think we're getting the better deal here!! - i'd decided last night that i was going to take everyone to the park today as it was supposed to be a beautiful day (they were right!) - it's to rain over the next couple days so we were hoping it wouldn't start raining earlier than they thought

`

we went & picked kiara up from school & her teacher came to the car & said, "boy, kiara's been so excited about you picking her up today as she said you'd have all her cousins with you & i can see you do!" (hehe) - we loaded up lunch, lawn chairs & a camera & set out for the afternoon - well, as you can see in the pictures above, we had a wonderful time today at the park! - we were there for about 2½ hours & with 6 kids & no bathrooms, they did great!! - mom & madisyn met us there & we'd lunch & then played

`

we then came home & now they're all napping (shhh)

`

something that happened when i was leaving was this (keep in mind there had been 2 women & about 4 little girls all at the park while we were there, but we'd not spoken as when we were eating, they were playing & while they were eating, we were playing) - mom & madisyn had left about 15 minutes prior to us & so as i'm 'herding the kids' back to the car calling out things like, "karleigh c'mon, maddie keep movin', kiara quit scratchin', etc.", i hear one of the women say, "excuse me, but are they all yours?"

`

well the wind was soooooooooooooooo strong & the kids were already running ahead of me towards the parking lot, so i just said, "yeah" so i didn't have to explain who belonged to what family, etc.

`

she then went on & said, "well, are they all by the same father?" - i said, "nope, between all 6 of them, there's 5 different birth fathers... y'all have a great day!" (can you believe it!!) - now, i know what that made me look like, but at that point, i didn't care! - how rude she was to even ask, so for that i just replied what was on the tip of my tongue & smiled... leaving them both with their mouths hung open in disbelief *smile*